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Category Archives: Show Off

Juices At The Gym

I’ve been out of NYC for more than 2.5 years now and let me tell you, LA is where it’s at.  Say what you will, but LA has been on the juice trend for DECADES, bitches.  So I say a big WHAT THE FUCK EVER to this whole Pressed Juicery trend that’s trying to happen in New York right now.  In the faux words of Regina George, “stop trying to make juice HAPPEN!”

Show Off At The Gym: Alessandra Ambrosio

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This bitch. UGH. This bitch.  It doesn’t even matter that she’s pregnant now cause even with her pregnant belly, she’s still 1,000 times hotter than we’ll ever be.  And that includes you too.

Time Limits At The Gym

Our old gym in New York City had a 30 minute “time limit” during peak gym hours, mainly after work.  This is a good thing…BUT when assholes decide to stand behind us, basically tapping their feet, we want to punch them in the face.  It’s like hey asshole, I know you’re staring at my machine, which means that you see I have 2:40 seconds left before I stop.  Get off me.

Competitive At The Gym

There’s always one.  That one person who gets up all in our business while we’re on the treadmill and decides that when we’re running at 9.4, they’ll run at 9.5.  You know what, fuck them.

Screaming At The Gym

Perhaps the most laughable offense, screaming (aka grunting, groaning, moaning) at the gym is the most common gym complain that I get from readers.  Take note, people – you do NOT have to make noise while lifting weights.  In fact, it’s super obvious that you just want attention and all eyes on your “big muscles.”

Stupid Dancing At The Gym

As a former dancer, I try to be understanding of this.  But there comes a certain point when I want to scream “can’t you just dance in your house?!  Or like, in a DANCE studio?!”  These assholes take up space and usually look amazingly stupid while doing so.  I almost blew a gasket when a girl came into the spin room, started dancing by herself and then started talking about how she is a former Pussycat Doll.  OK.

Mirror SPACE at the gym

People who hog mirror space at the gym are complete and UTTER assholes, in our opinion.  I was at my local gym in LA a few months back with a workout friend and we decided to venture on over to the “stretching” area.  We saw a guy and a girl talking/severely flirting but there was a definite open space next to them.  We walked over and the girl immediately responds “sorry, we’re using that space.”  REALLY, you fucking bitch?  Cause to us, it appears that you were pretending that you didn’t have a herpe on your lip and that the guy you were shamelessly flirting with wasn’t actually a gay porn star.  But OK.  You win.  The mirror “space” is ALL YOURS.